I’ve struggled being confident in my abilities my entire life. I would envy the girls in school that could wear what they wanted, say what they wanted and make mistakes without falling apart. I’ve always been afraid of drawing negative attention. Deep down all I ever wanted was to do well and be successful at what I put my mind to, but I often found myself getting in the way of spreading my wings.
I am older now and have children, but the fears of childhood have chased me here. No matter how much I’ve accomplished or how hard I’ve pushed myself, the fear of failing looms over me like a wet blanket I can’t seem to shake.
One day I woke up, looked at a photo that my daughter had taken of me, and I didn’t even recognize who I had become. I was overweight, lost in a mound of clothes, sitting like I was uncomfortable and the spark in my eye had died. Where was the girl that twirled circles in the back yard dreaming of being so many different things. I could see how I had allowed life to push me into a box I didn’t want to be in and decided in that moment that I wanted to make a change.
In that one moment I promised myself that I would never be that girl in that photo ever again. I vowed to begin a journey to get fit and healthy and finally do some of the things I had always wanted to do as a child.
That personal vow gave me the momentum to change my life.
On January 10th 2023 I embarked on a journey to lose weight and get in the best shape of my life. I dove head first and began eating single ingredient foods that I enjoyed the taste of and cut out all sweet treats. I drank more water and mixed it with a freshly squeezed lemon every morning and I switched to black coffee.
Once I got the nutrition plan ironed out, I began to exercise in my basement using the dumb bells that I had available that went up to twenty pounds. I used the apple fitness ap to track my steps and used their full body workouts to lift weights every other day. I also dusted off my old treadmill and started walking thirty minutes a day.
In three months time I had already lost thirty pounds! It definitely wasn’t easy to stick to the plan. Every day I was sore from exposing my body to new movements and growing muscles I hadn’t seen in almost a decade. Every time I wanted to quit I would remind myself of the girl in that picture that changed everything for me. I would remind myself that I could choose the pain now or be in pain forever. I would tell myself that my kids deserve a healthy mom. I would tell myself that I’m deserving of a healthy body. Slowly, I began to see changes. I took photos and measurements and it was proof my body was changing. I tried on clothes and noticed how they were getting loose or too big to wear. I put on a pair of jeans I hadn’t worn in over five years. I told only my parents and a neighbor what I was doing.
Not everyone was excited. My husband struggled the most with the changes. Me taking time to work out was foreign in our relationship. Even with the stress of navigating the new lifestyle, I pressed on. I received thoughtful check-ins from my mom and my neighbor. I joined instagram after three months of consistently losing weight and found a community of online supporters cheering me on. I went on to lose 46 pounds that year.
Losing the weight was only a small piece of the journey. I had found something even better than smaller jeans. Confidence. Confidence in my ability to show up for myself. The confidence to make a promise or a goal and stick to it. I realized going through that journey that I could trust myself and that gave me confidence to stand taller.
If you are struggling to find your way, taking action on small, achievable goals can give you the win that helps you gain momentum. And the momentum will bring you confidence to stand taller in your smaller jeans.
We got this!
Sandra Alynn